we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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