woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
