Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
