Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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