Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
