Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
