I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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