Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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