i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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