Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
