Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
