Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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