how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize