My friends, they love my intelligence
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize