I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize