i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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