I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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