i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want to fling myself into the sun
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
