shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize