Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sober January is a disaster.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
