If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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