chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pants are for mortals
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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