We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
