pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
