shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize