He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
