I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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