I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize