i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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