She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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