new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
