i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
