First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
