My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize