Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
