just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
