is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
