you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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