What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my poor anus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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