Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
