Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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