As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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