I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize