You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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