matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
