I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
