I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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