i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
