no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
