her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
