so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
