Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
