oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
