I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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