I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
