At least make sure they are 18
Why
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
