grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
bring money and cleavage
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
