I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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