if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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