i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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