ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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