Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
