Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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