so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize