I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
